The country’s oldest, some would say funniest,
Stand-up comedian is heading to Edinburgh
Hello – first things first, where are you from & where are you living now?
Hello – I’m born & bred in Burnley. I’m from Accy Road, well Howard Street really, I’ve lived there all my life, except when I’m on mi ‘olidiz.
When did you first realise you were funny?
Well, I were down Burnley Miners, a few years back, & I was well piss’d. Anyway, I started cracking a few jokes, like, & honestly, people were laughing their ‘eads off – I were like, bloody ‘ell, I’ve got a gift.
Which comedians have inspir’d you the most?
Oh, it has to be Chubby Brown – oh, he is funny. I saw him many a-time in Blackpool on mi ‘olidiz. I tell you who I don’t like, that Peter Kay. He’s from Bolton, in ‘ee, I mean, I’ve never trusted owt from Bolton, they’re a funny bunch down there, like, & I don’t know where they get their chuffin’ gravy from, it’s rank.
You’re bringing a show to this year’s Edinburgh Fringe, can you tell us about it?
At first I’m gonna catch the X43 bus over tops, thro’ Rawtenstall, then along motorway to Manchester. I’ll have a brew in Weatherspoons or summat, & use their toilet, then I’m catching one of them Megabusses, dya know them Megabusses, well I’m catching one of them. Bloody hell, five hours on a bus, it’s gonna play ‘ell wi’ mi lumbago.
That’s not quite what we meant, we were wondering about the content of your show?
Oh – eh – well it’s about my wives innit, all five of them. I’m still married to Number 5 now. She’s actually 40 years younger than me, & her mum’s younger than me n’all. It’s weird, actually, cos I’m sure I got off wi’ mother-in-law down Burnley Cats Whiskers in 1981.
As a septuagenarian, do you think the younger members of your audience will understand your maturer brand of comedy?
As long as they speak bloody English they will, which in this day & age, in this country, it’s not guaranteed, is it?
That brings us to our next question – your comedy has been describ’d as ‘Antiwoke,’ why is that?
Well, I do like to take a nap in the afternoon, after watching Countdown.
No, we meant that your material has been describ’d as being racist, homophobic & misogynistic…
Mate, all this LGBTQYMCA stuff does my ‘ead in – I mean, I’ve got nowt against them homo-sexuals, but I don’t bother wi’ Lesbian porn – there’s too many boobs, can’t keep up – & what was that you were saying about my soggy biscuits?
My-sog-in-istic, are you misogynistic?
Mate – I never dunk anything in my brews – its well ‘orrible when yer down ter last sips & they’re full on lumpy wi’ bits of soggy digestive. No, not fer me is that.
Forget it – so, what kind of things will you be doing while you are in Edinburgh, outwith performing at the Fringe?
I’ll probably be down bookies.
You’ve got 20 seconds to sell your show on the streets of Edinburgh, what do you say?
My mate, Jimmy Bruce, sez I’m funniest fella he’s ever heard, & he should know, he’s been to that there Edinburgh Fringe four times now.
TAKE MY WIVES
Mumble Comedy 